to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
Isaiah 61:2-3
Today marks the one year anniversary of my younger sister Guenevere's passing. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in January 2009, and was only with us for 3 more months. The year went by quickly, but some days were long and painful. Nothing could have prepared me for this grief and sorrow. It came unexpectedly, and is here to stay in varying degrees.
Some people don't do death well. They have no reference to it, or experience. They don't know what to say, and therefore don't say anything. The ones who do, usually have been through it. Some people are natural encouragers, sending cards, plants, flowers jewelry, phone calls, and prayers. I was surprised by those who showed kindness, and by those who didn't. It is not something to hold against anyone, as they could not possibly understand the depths of grief. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18. He truly has been close.
I found grief to be quiet at times, and at others, gut-wrenchingly painful. Many days felt like my whole body was sore. The first week was so busy with funeral activity, that the magnitude of what happened did not hit until the following week. My job was to plan and purchase food for the reception for roughly 300 people. It was a helpful distraction.
It has been helpful to overcome this loss by: knowing Guen loved the Lord and is with Him, crying when I needed to, praying, reflecting, and talking about the sister that I miss so dearly. I never knew how much I loved her, until I lost her completely.
This blog has been therapy. Each entry has helped me face the loss. If you only knew the tears and anguish behind some of them. Once posted, the entries allowed me to boldly face the pain.
Another source of consolation has been www.griefshare.org I signed up for the daily emails. These people have been through it, and the emails are incredibly timely. Also, My brother-in-law, Dave kept up http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/guenmolloy during her illness.
I also pursued whatever is lovely, (Phil 4:8) by looking at many art blogs. It helped so much to have breaks of beauty and think about something else. I googled "art blogs", and the choices were endless. They are what encouraged me to create this blog.
Guen and Dave had a daughter, Libby. She is now 2 and 7 months old. I was fortunate to have Libby stay with me for a few days. She is her own person, but it is easy to catch glimpses of both parents in her. To say she is a joy, is an understatement. What a delightful gift Guen left behind. Here is the fabulous Libby this morning.
The other night we watched one of Guen's favorite childhood movies together, Disney's "The Rescuers" from 1977. I always associate Guen with this movie. I remember one birthday she received toys from the movie. She adopted a dog, and named it Penney, after the main character. One of the songs called, "Someone's Waiting For You", has some timely lyrics:
Always keep a little prayer in your pocket
and you're sure to see the light.
Soon there'll be joy and happiness
and your little world will be bright
Have faith little one
'Til your hopes and your wishes come true.
You must try to be brave little one.
Someone's waiting to love you
In closing, I hold on to a thought that came to my mind and sums up this year: Everything is broken, but the pieces are strong.
