Friday, May 1, 2009
Asking A Lot
Almost every time I would talk to Guen, she would say, "God is asking a lot of me", and I agreed. As much as I wanted my sister healed, I earnestly prayed for God's will. His choices are perfect and mine are self-serving. I had some fear/notion that her being out of pain may include her death. Everything I read about Ovarian Cancer indicated to me that this would have to be a miracle that God had not worked yet, or anyone had documented. The nature of having stage 4 cancer means your time is limited. Ovarian is a hormonal cancer and goes through your whole system.
I remember feeling that she might be holding on too tightly. It caused some anxiety for me. There came a day when she said she was resolved to leave everything in His hands. When I read that on her CaringBridge update, from her husband Dave, I was so relieved. I remember that moment with crystal clarity. I thought that Doctors and medicine are good things, but have so many limitations. In God's hands we could move forward.
The picture is of my Thanksgiving table in 2006. My sister was sick with some normal virus and couldn't join us. Of course I understood, but I remember being really bummed that she wasn't there.